just some things on my mind

I feel like up to this point in my life that I've been blessed, undeserving? maybe?, but mostly blessed.

When I sit back and think about things i have accomplished and working on in my life, its pretty progressive/consistent. I've done things for myself to keep moving forward, or so i think, But I can't help but think about how my disappointing college career has been. As much as I feel blessed to have the things in my life, i feel undeserving because as of right now i feel like im letting people close to me down by not performing the way i know i can in school. Is it because my priorities are loosely organized? maybe, do i spread myself too thin and bite off more than i can chew? possibly, or am i too concentrated on trying to please myself while trying to please others as well? sure. When asked how I'm doing in school I pretty much sugar coat my situation by saying, "it's okay", or "just trying to get by". With my finals coming up i feel more undeserving than ever, it's to the point where i feel like if i really want to succeed in college EVERYTHING needs to go out the door, well not completely, but that's what it feels like, get rid of social life, extracurricular activities (bboyin, basketball, gym), orgs (KAMP, AB, ZULU), basically everything that makes me, ME, like everything im blessed with i feel needs to go out the door just to succeed in college. I'm feeling pressure to succeed, my parents aren't getting any younger, my gf is graduating this year from UCI, most of my friends will be out of college within the year, and here I am struggling to get out of remedial classes (non-transferable classes).*deep breath* What's done is done i just have to do better next time.