DISCLAIMER: this blog is not to offend anyone, im not trying to call anyone out. Its just me mearly venting out my thoughts of the past week or so. I apologize if any of this changes your attitude towards me in anyway. thank you and god bless.
so i've some things on my mind lately, mainly because I was confronted with why I hanven't been to any bboy jams lately. This particular problem of me not showing up to jams has been an on going issue since my senior year of high school, "why don't you come to jams anymore?","i heard you stopped bboyin?","where you been man, I haven't seen you at practices or jams in a while?"," what hes actually here at practice?", all of these questions were pretty common in 2004 - june of 2005, and now 3 years later it's being brought up again. What I don't understand is why are people EVEN saying those things. Don't get me wrong, i appreciate the fact that people want me around and all but just like a lot of you, I too have a life outside of HIP-HOP.
2004 - 2005 was my senior year of high school and during the 3 years before that i fucked up big time, meaning, I didn't have all my credits for my senior year. Senior year became my "stop the bullshit and get serious or else youre not fucking graduating because you lollygaged your way into senior year" year, so thats exsactly what I did, bboying was put to the side, and I got serious with school, that and wanting to live up my last high school year. I got more involved with FIl-am and started airbands with my group of my friends, we wanted to go "all out" for our last year of high school, and why not? right? I figured you're only a senior once in your life, so why the fuck not?. I know bboying will be there no matter what, and I was just hoping that everyone would understand that, apparently not. So there I was MY senior year, trying to get through it and graduate while being involved with fil-am and being vice-president, co-choreographer, and co-director of our airband group, and i'm gettins shit from people because im not going to jams or im not practicing anymore. I honestly thought we were past that.
Fast forward a few years later and now im a full-time college student working part time, and now im involved with three non-profit orginizations. I'm pretty damn proud that i'm doing other things other than bboyin. Sure it's great that im known as a bboy/dancer, its great i love it, but I want to do other things, bigger and better things. I, as a man, want to put MY mark here in SD, i'm not gonna do that bboyin. Lets be real here, yes bboyin is an outlet for some people, yes bboyin is a dance artform that is respected, but it doesnt give me the fulfillment I get when im giving back to my community. So now that i've started doing more things in my life the questions come up agian, "ey why weren't you at the jam?", "where you been, i havent seen you at practice for in a while?". Okay so maybe there aren't as many questions, but still the issue of me not being somewhere because I DON'T WANT TO or i just can't. one thing that does bother me is this "man, raf just bboys for fun", EXCUSE ME?!?!, if im not doing it FOR fun then what the fuck am I doing it for. I got into bboying because it IS fun, and therefore im doing it for fun and i never want to lose sight of that. Fun for me may mean something totally differnt from another bboy but if youre not doing it for fun then, i feel, youre not doing it for the right reasons. "bboying isn't a high priority for him", yeah, it isn't, why should it be, i still have family, friends, work, and other things goin on in my life that bboying just isn't ALWAYS a top priority. Im sorry but thats the truth, i really hope all of you can understand this, especially those that are in the same circle as me in the san diego hip hop scene.
I hope i dont sound like a selfish bitch right now, but im so sick and tired of being questioned when i've repeatedly said that i have other this in my life that i do. just dont question me, my commitment to my crew, and my love for the dance. Family, friends, kristine, bboying, my crew, are all important aspects in my life, and ive tried so hard to balance all of those things. I dont wanna lose sight of childhood friends, i dont wanna lose my relationship with my family, i especially dont wanna lose touch with my crew and Kristine, so if im not out at a jam or at practice just understand and think to yourself, "oh hes prolly doin his thing, he doesnt have to be here all the time".
thank you for reading, and again i apologize if this changes your attitude towards me. This is just me, being grown. im not 15 anymore im 21 this year, i have my own mind and my own agenda and my own responsibilities that i will handle MY way NOT anyone elses. peace
